


Awakening

by peggin



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2016-06-24
Packaged: 2018-07-17 23:50:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7291117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peggin/pseuds/peggin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How did Justin end up on Liberty Avenue, standing under that streetlight, the night he met Brian?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Awakening

**Author's Note:**

> Between 2004 and 2007, I wrote a number of short QAF fics on livejournal, and I've decided I want to post them here. I wrote this one in January 2005.

"Have a good day, sweetheart," Justin heard his mother call after him. He barely even paused to acknowledge her as he slammed the car door and looked up at the building before him.

St. James Academy. It was his first day back at school, and all he could think of was how much he hated this place, how much he had hated it every day for the last three years. It wasn't the classes; he enjoyed learning. The problem was that he'd realized he was different from everyone else shortly after he'd started there. Really, he'd known it long before that, but it never seemed to matter before the magic age of 13. Then all of a sudden, the other guys started talking about girls, and Justin never had anything to say. Ever since then, he felt like an outsider, like he didn't belong. Like, if he did or said the wrong thing, everyone would know.

His mother and father kept telling him that this year was going to be so wonderful for him; he was a senior now, big man on campus and all that other bullshit. God, he wished the summer could have lasted a little longer.

He heard a voice call his name, and he turned and smiled at the one person that kept the miserable place from completely sucking. "Hey, Daph."

The two friends compared their schedules, and Justin was pleased to discover they had three classes together. That would make his day a little better.

Unfortunately, that didn't help him with third period gym. Even if they'd had the same gym class, it wouldn't have made any difference in the locker room. He felt uncomfortable almost immediately. He had such a hard time keeping himself from looking at the other guys getting dressed. He wanted to watch them, but he was afraid that, if he did, they would know, and he wasn't ready for that. Nobody knew; not even Daphne. _You don't even really know yourself,_ an inner voice taunted him. _It's not like you've ever done anything. How can you be sure?_

Justin tried to ignore the voice, but when he overheard Chris Hobbs and Peter Zabanski talking about the girls they'd nailed over the summer, that voice just got louder.

Then Hobbs turned and asked, "How about you, Taylor? You score with any chicks yet?"

Zabanski laughed. "I doubt it; I'll bet Justin's still a little virgin."

"I am not," Justin replied, but even he could hear the lie in his voice. The other guys laughed and gave each other a high five as they walked out of the locker room, while Justin stood there and hoped for the floor to open up and swallow him.

The voice taunted him again. _They're right; you are just a little virgin. When are you going to do something about it?_

Justin thought he might be going crazy, but he answered the voice anyway. _What am I supposed to do about it? I don't even know anyone..._

 _But you know where you can go to meet someone,_ the voice replied.

The thought of it scared Justin, but at the memory of the other guys laughing at him, he became resolved. He was going to do it. Even if he couldn't tell anyone, even if nobody else ever knew, he would know. Once and for all, he would know. Who he was. What it meant. What it felt like. He had to do it. The only question was, when?

It took him nearly a week to come up with a plan. It wasn't much of a plan, but he'd had a hard time thinking clearly about much of anything when his entire body was humming with equal parts anticipation and terror. Once he finally decided what he was going to do, he thought it was a pretty good plan. Simple. He would tell his parents he was going to spend the night at Daphne's, like he'd done a million times since kindergarten. He'd go to Daphne's, they'd hang out together for most of the evening, and after her parents went to bed he could slip out of the house. The next morning would be easy; they always left for work before Daphne got out of bed. No-one would suspect a thing.

He knew Daphne would help him. She was a good friend; she'd cover for him, and she wouldn't even ask him where he was going to be or what he was planning to do. Well, she'd ask, but she wouldn't push. It wasn't that he wanted to hide the truth from Daphne. It was just that he needed to know the truth for himself before he told anyone else. Once he was sure, Daphne would be the first person he'd tell. Probably the only person.

At dinner, he told his parents he was going over to Daphne's for the night. His mother called Mrs. Chanders just like she always did and everything was set. As soon as dinner was over, he threw his uniform in an overnight bag, grabbed his backpack, and ran out the door before his parents might have the chance to change their minds. So far, so good.

Things didn't go quite so smoothly at Daphne's. Her parents were usually in bed by ten, but of all nights, that was the night they decided they just _had_ to stay up and watch some old movie on AMC. By the time they went to bed it was midnight, and he had to wait another half hour before he could be sure they were asleep.

He called for a cab to pick him up at the corner. As he hung up the phone, Daphne asked him for about the tenth time where he was going. He gave her the same answer he'd been giving her all day; that he couldn't tell her yet, but promised he'd tell her everything tomorrow.

Justin got to the corner just as the cab was pulling up, and he gave the driver the address: the corner of Liberty and Barkers. From the look the driver gave him, he got the idea that the driver knew exactly what he had planned for the rest of the night. Justin thought that was kind of funny, since he wasn't entirely sure himself, but he was glad that the driver didn't say anything. He didn't want to talk about it. He was afraid that if he even thought about it, he would chicken out.

When the cab driver called out, "Here you go; Liberty and Barkers," Justin let out a breath he hadn't even realized he’d been holding. He threw a $20 at the driver. It was more than twice the amount on the meter, but Justin didn't care. He was in too much of a hurry to get out and find... whatever it was he was looking for.

Looking around at all the bright lights and the guys dressed in strange clothing, Justin was amazed to discover he was even more nervous than he had been in the cab. He wouldn't have thought that was possible. He thanked God that he had stolen a couple of cigarettes from Daphne and lit one up. It helped calm him a little. Not much, but a little.

He crossed the street, not really sure which direction he should be going but certain he should be going somewhere and not just standing in place. There was a guy standing by a streetlight who looked kind of okay; definitely not what he was looking for, but maybe the guy could point him in the right direction.

It turned out the guy wasn't quite so okay after all. He did tell Justin the names of a few different clubs, all of which slid out of Justin’s mind as soon as they left the man's lips, but then the guy made a move. He asked Justin to go home with him and Justin backed away immediately. The guy laughed at him, told him he should go home to his mommy. Part of Justin thought that maybe the guy was right. He felt like he didn't belong here. Maybe he'd been wrong. Maybe he was just a freak who didn't belong anywhere.

After that, Justin wandered down the street aimlessly for a good twenty minutes. He found himself walking down an alley, and he headed towards a streetlight. He knew he hadn't been there very long, but he was getting discouraged. Everyone there was scary. He hadn't seen even a single guy he even wanted to talk to, let alone found the guy he wanted to be _the one_. He was seriously considering just forgetting the whole thing, finding another cab, and heading back to Daphne's.

That's when it happened. As he leaned against the streetlight, he _felt_ someone watching him. He looked up and... there he was. The most beautiful man Justin had ever laid eyes on. He was walking right in his direction. And Justin knew. Before the man ever said a word, Justin knew, this was the one. All his doubts disappeared. This really was who he was, this really was where he belonged, and this was the man who was going to show him what that meant. When the man stopped in front of him, Justin felt like he had always been waiting for this moment, and now his life was finally about to begin.


End file.
